You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
