so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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