I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
