we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize