a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
