i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
