today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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