Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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