I'm so fucking centered right now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
