he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
