I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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