He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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