Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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