Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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