easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
