i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
