I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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