Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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