i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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