Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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