you traded sex for a burrito?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
whose ass print is on the piano?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
