i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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