worst night to have a conscience
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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