soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
