So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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