When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
