Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize