I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
