Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
