is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My ass is underappreciated
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
