But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
