She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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