it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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