Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
