True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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