my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
