And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
