Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
