i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
