just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
