I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize