i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
