My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Someone signed my nipple.
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