it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
