I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
