so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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