I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
