i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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