When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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