Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
