Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
