addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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