At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
