Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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