o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
