Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
