Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
