If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
