called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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