I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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