And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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