I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
