i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
