youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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