she looked like the before picture.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
