ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
