so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
