Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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