Plan B is the new Plan A
farters have to be the big spoon...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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