I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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